30 Ogos 2011
Goodbye, forever.
24 September 2011
I've been battling against myself day after day, wishing that all these madness will go further away. But still, it haunts me to sleep and every single day.It's awkward, I can't forget even a single damn thing from the day one, up until the very last. You have no idea how hard it is to force myself to not think of you most of the time.
Kadang kadang, aku nak saja ungkapkan rasa menyesal antara kita. The feeling of regret because I let you in. Tapi sampai sekarang aku sendiri tak pernah ada kudrat nak ungkapkan benda tu. Rasa menyesal dari hari pertama hinggalah hari terakhir.
You may think that this is easy for me to handle on. And maybe you will think that I can't remember much between us. But you're wrong. I am a girl who tends to remember most every single thing, including the small ones about you.
I still remember the day you walked in into my life.
I still remember you the shirt you wore when you first said hello to me.
I still remember the first day both of us webcam with each other.
I still remember your first smile to me.
I still remember the first voice that puts me on sleep,and voice that wishes me on every night and morning.
I still remember how I tolerate every inch of you.
I still remember the first day you talked to me and the first jokes that you made.
I still remember your promises.
I still remember the first night that we spend together.
I still remember the first movies that we went together.
I still remember the day you touch my hand.
I still remember the day you forgive me for every single mistakes that I did.
I still remember the day you push me behind.
I still remember the day you hurt me.
I still remember the date you left me.
And, I still remember You.
Terlalu banyak ingatan kau dalam kotak memori aku. Memori suka duka. Dan yang pasti aku tak pernah mengharap yang kau akan terfikirkan aku untuk setiap detik dalam hidup kau cuma sebahagian dari diri akumasih terkapai kapai untuk melupakan kau. See, how hard it is? Tapi apakan daya, aku manusia biasa yang punya hati dan perasaan dan kau juga ada benda yang sama. And aku manusia yang bukan senang untuk melupakan seseorang. Bila dah tak nak, buang or even campak. I'm always trying to consider about someone else's feelings, instead of mine. That's my weakness, that some people took advantage of. I guess.
Did you remembered, the last day you held my hands? And promised that even if we're apart, I'm still forever i your heart and your soul. Up till now, I don't even know if my shadows are still passing by beside you that makes you miss me, whereas I'm dying to set you free from my life. Because I miss the part when you're here for me, but yet I always remembered the pain that I never saw it coming, but when you're gone I've figured out all the lies I've be dealing with.
And it hurts.
And I used to promise you, if one day, either one of us is gone, I will always remember the days we had together even it is only in a a short time. When it comes to today, I still curious whether you still remember all the promises you made. Or the words mean nothing to you. As far as I knew, you're a man of your words. Tapi makin lama aku makin taktau siapa yang dulu kata sayang pada aku. Tapi dia hilang.
*kesat air mata*
Naqi, I dont know if you would read this but I'm hoping that you did. On the first day raya every single things berubah. And hari untuk umat lain senyum sakan, I don't have that feeling. I feel nothing. Lonely. The last day that we meet, I miss every single thing that we did together. And I tak pernah nak tahu macam mana nak buat you dalam kotak fikiran I. Maybe bagi you simple, but not to me. You need to know this, I terpaksa kuatkan hati untuk padam segala memori I dengan you. Your phone number and Facebook. And even the cardigan. I dah janji tak akan basuh baju tu but I have to. I hope dengan basuh baju tu, I boleh lupakan you. I'm trying sebab I tahu you pun buat benda yang sama.
Mesti awkward kan bila I cakap macam ni sebab before ni I tak pernah reti nak tunjuk yang I sayang you. ButNaqi, I miss you so much. Tapi apa daya, semua dah berakhir and I tak akan pernah mengharap yang you akan muncul lagi dalam hidup I. Second chances tak akan pernah sama dengan first chance sayang. Sakit sangat sebab hati I meronta disakiti oleh orang yang pernah I sayang.
Semua tu, complicated. Yang I seorang je boleh mengerti.
Andai satu hari nanti I berubah, I minta you tolong jangan ingatkan siapa I sebelum ni.
Sebab I dah tutup semua antara kita. Tutup secara physical. Tapi dalam hati, biar Dia sahaja yang tahu macam mana perit. And I akan berusaha keras untuk buang you macam yang you nak.
I janji yang akan berubah. I tak nak jadi macam dulu lagi. And thanks a lot you dah banyak ubahkan half of my life. Daripada perempuan yang tak ada life langsung, now I boleh berdiri dengan my own feet. Thank you. And I hope you juga akan buat benda yang sama.
Tolong jaga diri,
Live on, live on forever.
This will be my last entry about him. I'm sorry for everything. For every single things that I made to you. I'm deeply sorry.
*kesat air mata, pegang pipi, tarik nafas*
*fake smile*
Lots of love, Lisa Fikri.
Goodbye, forever.
24 September 2011
I've been battling against myself day after day, wishing that all these madness will go further away. But still, it haunts me to sleep and every single day.It's awkward, I can't forget even a single damn thing from the day one, up until the very last. You have no idea how hard it is to force myself to not think of you most of the time.
Kadang kadang, aku nak saja ungkapkan rasa menyesal antara kita. The feeling of regret because I let you in. Tapi sampai sekarang aku sendiri tak pernah ada kudrat nak ungkapkan benda tu. Rasa menyesal dari hari pertama hinggalah hari terakhir.
You may think that this is easy for me to handle on. And maybe you will think that I can't remember much between us. But you're wrong. I am a girl who tends to remember most every single thing, including the small ones about you.
I still remember the day you walked in into my life.
I still remember you the shirt you wore when you first said hello to me.
I still remember the first day both of us webcam with each other.
I still remember your first smile to me.
I still remember the first voice that puts me on sleep,and voice that wishes me on every night and morning.
I still remember how I tolerate every inch of you.
I still remember the first day you talked to me and the first jokes that you made.
I still remember your promises.
I still remember the first night that we spend together.
I still remember the first movies that we went together.
I still remember the day you touch my hand.
I still remember the day you forgive me for every single mistakes that I did.
I still remember the day you push me behind.
I still remember the day you hurt me.
I still remember the date you left me.
And, I still remember You.
Terlalu banyak ingatan kau dalam kotak memori aku. Memori suka duka. Dan yang pasti aku tak pernah mengharap yang kau akan terfikirkan aku untuk setiap detik dalam hidup kau cuma sebahagian dari diri akumasih terkapai kapai untuk melupakan kau. See, how hard it is? Tapi apakan daya, aku manusia biasa yang punya hati dan perasaan dan kau juga ada benda yang sama. And aku manusia yang bukan senang untuk melupakan seseorang. Bila dah tak nak, buang or even campak. I'm always trying to consider about someone else's feelings, instead of mine. That's my weakness, that some people took advantage of. I guess.
Did you remembered, the last day you held my hands? And promised that even if we're apart, I'm still forever i your heart and your soul. Up till now, I don't even know if my shadows are still passing by beside you that makes you miss me, whereas I'm dying to set you free from my life. Because I miss the part when you're here for me, but yet I always remembered the pain that I never saw it coming, but when you're gone I've figured out all the lies I've be dealing with.
And it hurts.
And I used to promise you, if one day, either one of us is gone, I will always remember the days we had together even it is only in a a short time. When it comes to today, I still curious whether you still remember all the promises you made. Or the words mean nothing to you. As far as I knew, you're a man of your words. Tapi makin lama aku makin taktau siapa yang dulu kata sayang pada aku. Tapi dia hilang.
*kesat air mata*
Mesti awkward kan bila I cakap macam ni sebab before ni I tak pernah reti nak tunjuk yang I sayang you. But
Semua tu, complicated. Yang I seorang je boleh mengerti.
Andai satu hari nanti I berubah, I minta you tolong jangan ingatkan siapa I sebelum ni.
Sebab I dah tutup semua antara kita. Tutup secara physical. Tapi dalam hati, biar Dia sahaja yang tahu macam mana perit. And I akan berusaha keras untuk buang you macam yang you nak.
I janji yang akan berubah. I tak nak jadi macam dulu lagi. And thanks a lot you dah banyak ubahkan half of my life. Daripada perempuan yang tak ada life langsung, now I boleh berdiri dengan my own feet. Thank you. And I hope you juga akan buat benda yang sama.
Tolong jaga diri,
Live on, live on forever.
This will be my last entry about him. I'm sorry for everything. For every single things that I made to you. I'm deeply sorry.
*kesat air mata, pegang pipi, tarik nafas*
*fake smile*